Healing from past or current experiences that have caused us distress can be one of the biggest tasks we face in our lives. The suffering plagues us each morning, perhaps feels lighter during the middle of the day, but returns with a bang right before we are due to sleep.
People often have their own method of being able to heal themselves emotionally and mentally, whether it’s through an activity considered socially acceptable such as sports or something more self-destructive like drugs, alcohol or self-harm. Which ever path someone has chosen, the underpinning cause of the individuals pain are both the same; this being, needing to heal from an event that caused discomfort.
There two choices we have when repairing ourselves; we either stay exactly as we are, whether that’s in a self-destructive state or we decide not to let our experiences control our lives. Instead rather, we choose to get back in control of our lives so we can live how we were always destined to live; happy, mentally free and loved.
When starting the healing process, there is no magic plaster that can remove the pain; there might be prescribed medication or harmful substances that can temporarily “fix” us, but it doesn’t truly solve our problems it only masks what is hurting us. Medical intervention may be necessary if perhaps you have a hormone imbalance which is contributing to your suffering and you may not wish to re-balance your hormones naturally through foods.
To stay in an everlasting self-care cycle, you have to make daily changes, choose daily habits that are good for your well-being that you can uphold the long term.
You can begin your healing journey with the following steps;
- Acceptance – whatever you may be going through right now, first you need to accept the situation as it is rather than fighting for it to change. The reason for this is because no matter how much you cry, scream, get angry, feel depressed or anxious your life circumstances today were always planned to happen how they have happened this very moment. Acceptance is hard to swallow because if a situation has occurred which has caused you deep hurt, grief or changed your life in a way that things will never go back to how they were; for example, maybe your physical appearance has changed, perhaps you have emotional scars of turbulent experiences. Whatever is happening, tell yourself out aloud, “I accept what is happening” – treat this situation as though you hand selected it from a clothing store. This first puts you back in control. You are always in control. It is also the starting point of renewing your life. Whether you use affirmations or not, start to incorporate them each morning, either during meditation, whilst you shower, whilst you get yourself dressed or write them down and keep them on your fridge door! Try this to get you started;
“I am not what happened to me, events can only control me if I give them permission and power to do so. I am in control of what I will and will not accept”
- Discover – look for a reason. Why are you in this situation today, is it because of choices you made, things you did or was it due to another person? Most of our strength is born through hurtful experiences. Though it is sad that we endure pain or misery in order to be strong it doesn’t take away the fact that there are people or circumstances in our life that can cause us great sadness, including sometimes our family or friends. We have the expectation that family are never supposed to harm us, that friends are supposed to support us, but this is unrealistic. Always remember people are people, some have a closer attachment to you than others you may find those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, don’t love you as much as a friend may do. This is where the phrase “you can choose your friends but not your family” comes in. Just because you are family doesn’t mean they will have a personality that matches yours or that you will naturally understand one another. Your job is to lose the expectation that other people will always pick you up when you need them to. Then continue to discover; find a reason why this event has happened, what were you supposed to learn from the event? I said you have the power to change or accept anything you want to in your life; this is the power you have. You are never powerless, only when you give up are you powerless.
When searching for the reason, ask yourself the following;
- What did I learn?
- How can I turn this event into a positive outcome either for myself or people around me?
- What could I do to make sure I do not feel this way again?
- Growth – our experiences are pointless if we are not personally growing through them. We are never the same people that we were five or ten years go. We have grown in many ways, sometimes where we lack growth is spiritually. This might involve our self-esteem, confidence, beliefs about who we are or how much we are valued and loved. The only way we grow through our experiences is if you pay them enough attention to acknowledge what has happened or happening, so that it will not happen again. You have taken the lessons from the event that it was always meant to teach you but it ends there. You do not need to linger on to the event, you do not need to let the event define who you are. All you ever need from any negative situation is the lesson, the strength, the wisdom. You add these new traits to who you are as a person; you may not have been strong before this event, but you are strong now. You may not have been very wise before this event; you have wisdom now. Give thanks to your lessons, for they shape you.
- Set intentions – how do you see your future unfolding? What is it you are hoping to achieve with your experiences? A part of the healing process is being able to move forward and envision a life you had always intended would occur. If you plan on remaining in the mind-set you are in today, healing won’t happen. Sometimes we find comfort in familiar feelings because they take us to a place we know well, even if it brings you suffering. We don’t have to step outside of this well-known when we retreat into our “safe space” – but for true healing to occur you have to make a plan you intend to keep, so you can grow. In the next chapter it discusses the purpose of a vision board and how to create one. In addition to that, use an intention setting affirmation such as;
“I am in the process of becoming the best version of myself; there will be times where I feel uncomfortable, but I will let these feelings come and go when they need to so that I can develop and live the life I have always imagined”
The healing process can sometimes be forever, this is why its necessary to stay in a cycle of self-care as I wrote in my previous blog, don’t lose yourself to a life event. Remember your strength.